Mixed Feeling

Period Flowing day !! flow like the Niagara falls

Mood : Extremely not in a good mood

I think i will start blogging again since i have just deactivated my FB. I dont knw why i deactivated it . Well it is just temporary as FB is the only way to keep myself entertain going thru my days here in jordan .

Lately , or few months ago after since i got back from m'sia. i realize i changed alot ! or i should say starting from beginning of the year 2011 . I am so confuse yet complicated ! i need guidance , and i need someone to help me , by telling me what i really want in my life.

Relationship really killing me softly nowadays ! suffering much. Why do i put myself in this situation?

•   is it because im too far away from him ?
•  or is it i cant take the loneliness here ?
•  or because im jealous that he can go out everynight n enjoy the rest of the days with his fren ?

I am not like this before . whenever he wanna go out , i will just let him go without asking or worrying.But nowadays,i feel diff in myself.i dont like him to go out always, i don like him to go out till late morning.Just doesnt like it at all .

Why ?? i hate myself for being like this. I tried to let go , for not thinking or bugging on him , checking his location everyday , asking where he might go n bla... this is all nonsense. i just want a simple yet sweet normal relationship. all i wan just two word "Happy Together".

Even him,the way he talked me , i feel like diff as well.maybe becos im picking on him, n he got so fed-up ! all i can say is , im sorry ! if u know me well , you should knw that i don mean it at all . i tried to give up everything as in , don care , don wanna know , so that i wont be sensitive. But i cant do it !

what happened to me ? i wanna be stronger as in emotionally . But everytime , i failed to do so ! 

i hope i am a worm in his stomach . So that i can know , what is he thinking , n what he really wants , and his ideal of gf in his mind ! i cant be perfect, no one is perfect ! but i knw myself well . One word suits me well "TROUBLESOME"

i wish he could talk to me nicely . Hopefully the way he talked to me today , will not happened again.People always say ,tomoro will be better .. crossing finger , hoping for the miracle to happened. 

Friday Photos

My Beloved Leng Leng

Its been a while,nearly 3 months away from Malaysia.Living alone , all by myself without my parents.People say , its time for me to grown up.YEAPS !! it is time.

So far , i don have any massive Home Sick symptoms.Thank you Maswings ! haha.. why Maswings ? LOLS..so far,the feeling of away from my beloved ones, i feel like im jus goin for a nightstop.Is not like im not going to go back anymore. Unlike last time,when i was 15years old , go all the way to Houston,Texas alone,and seriously , i do have home sick tat time.I still remember i was crying badly back then.

Life as an air stewardess.I actually enjoyed it but sometimes,i HATE it too ! lolz. anyway,being a FA in Maswings,really helps me alot in RJ.

Tada ~ Top 3 in the Class

Get what i mean now ? haha..to be honest, although the procedures is not the same like what i learn in MW,but it is quite similar.at first , i was so scare cos im afraid tat i might not cope well due to my exp&procedures in MW is like stuck in my head.Oh well ,hardworks pay off !!

After the graduation,i only got 2 flight.Although my flight,not as much as all my batchmate but i think i should be grateful.At first i tot,i got the most less flt among all of them.Until yesterday , we have security course,and we got to see all the Malaysian Batch group.I did asked them bout their flt n bla bla bla.I found out tat some of them ,got more flt than me,but the hours is like so little.Cos probably the are doing short sectors flt. As for me, I clock 18hrs in this 2 flt.But at least i still have time away from base allowance.i guess i must be patient more.

So far ,i think i got a good flight.At least i got international flight.Not the middle east area.and of cos NOT domestic flt. lolz. My first flt , i got to go MILAN , Italy , and my 2nd flt is PARIS,France.Not bad right ? at least is around europe ! hahaha..

The set of Crew to CDG,Paris,France

(19hours Nightstop in Paris)

*two thumbs up*

Oh yea,i was saying bout the security course right . i told u guys i met all the Malaysian batch again.After about half a month, we did not met especially the Malay group* , i feel like they are like a BITCH ! i don mean to use that "bitch" word onto them,But that is the only word tat can describe them ! such a bitch ! i don really like them now..it makes me hate them instead. well..i don care anyway...

About job field....we stop here...Lets start with my Life in the house of Omarie.

Everything is okay with me here.Except for something,but i think i still manage to control the situation.LOLS.Although, i don really like it.But then just "telan" it and keep quiet . "Prevention Of Quarel" haha..anyway, since i cant express it out,then i guess i'll just bomb it here. Lets give this person a nickname.hmm......Apple ..!!

From my point of view,Apple is a kind of person , whom is un-tidy , Dirty , bossy , loud and very the un-organize person . tat is her character i think.When she talks,it is like DAMN LOUD !! REAL LOUD !! im not joking awkay..at first i tot her annoying sound should be okay to me.After a while,it is not as okay as u think ! i was hoping that, if she is flying, is my off day.And if im flying,she is on off day.If like this,then it gonna be peaceful...with no virus of noises ! hahaha...

jus like today, i was sleeping.i was awake with her damn voice.she talks to her BF damn loud ! i guess she is using her headphones on,that is why she don realize it.Recently , she complain a lot.She complain me n pumpkin (name has been changed) very noisy.But sometimes,we are noisy i admit it.but not everyday.Unlike apple,she really annoyed me much ! i cant sit beside her,is like im torturing myself especially my ears.If i don have a choice ,but to sit beside her,i'll make sure , i will have my headphones ready,n blast my ears with R&B songs ~

and i realize something recently,Apple have Body Odour ! It kills me alot ! not forgetting we are sharing the same bathroom together.But thank god, im not sharing a room with her. if not,i think i need oxygen everyday 24/7. but seriously recently her odour is like getting more n more worst ! is like all of her clothes smell !! hmmm.....no matter what she wear or watever, she really smell. even normal clothing she wore, is like i can smell those wet clothes which is not properly dryed . even if she is on uniform, i can smell her too..

i wish to tell her bout it,but i don think is a good idea.cos its a ODOUR ! not everyone can accept if someone says them smelly right ? sometimes,she even have this real serious "ketiak" smell. fuh ~~~ really can die,how i wish she don move ! hahaha...i was wondering, why don they use perfumes or deo stick of watever. as a girl, of cos u wanna smell good 24 hour right ? i wonder how the bf can stand those smell...

btw, did i mention bout the bf is so damn annoying too.? they all is like web cam to each other everyday, even if they are not talking but the cam is on for forever. n yet sometimes the bf bother me,PM me n asking me where is his gf ! at first , i tot of being nice,help him to tell him apple position.but not anymore...is like answering his stupid question.....

there more bad habits of her,such as her cups after she drink,she loves to put it on the table instead of bring them in the kitchen.i don mind to her clear her mess,but think positive,she might break the glass anytime,as on the table got so many lappy wires...hmm....not to forget,she love maggie damn much,my pack of maggie she is goin to finish it up the whole pack of it...>.<

i guess we need to stop here,if not this blog gonna be full of unsatifaction ! lolz...but not to worry...everything is still under control. MOI STILL ALIVE HERE. ahahhahaa...

cheers !

I need Miracle

Am i in bad luck condition or what ?? Since the day i graduated , i haven start flying yet...

have not even been assigned to fly yet...what happenned rostering dept ?? my housemate 3 of them has started been assigned to fly...i feel damn sad n down...

do i have a face problem until they don even wanna assigned me for a flt !! sigh.....

on the 8th im goin back to malaysia dy...still hoping for the best !! hopefully,tomoro when i check on my aims , i will be assigned at least 1 flight please !! just one !!

i don wanna stay at home alone !! i feel so sad whenever i check my schedule , and im not been assigned anything...!! when i look at my housemate they all getting ready for work, im so envy them..

i miss flying so much !! i don see any purpose of getting 1st in the class ! it is like no use at all !! what the conpany said is totally a bullshit !! said priority for the top 3..

i feel like slapping them...but still hoping for the best untill now...crossing finger pray hard...hopefully there will be a turn around flt for me on the 7th ~

no allowance , no money !! feel so down !!

dear lord, pls grant me my wish !! amen ~~

ROYAL JORDANIAN GRADUATION DAY

 Top 3 In The Class :-

1. Bianca Lim Zie Kuan
2. Ng Mui Cing ( Kate )
3. Tan Hsin Ying ( Vicky

From left to right : Vicky , Bianca , Kate

First of all , Yahoo ~~~~ finally graduated dy...time ticking really fast .I cant believe it.

I really thank god for giving me all these opportunity .... so let me recall back what actually happen on our graduation day.=)

as usual,wake up damn early in the morning.hey ~ guess what , the color of our uniform is the newest version for RJ uniform.hahaha...and we get to wear them on our graduation day !! the malaysian group is the first group to wear them.hahahaha...

back to the topic. okay ... i was quite excited tat day...i just cant wait for the graduation ceremony start becos this is the day where we all gonna get our result who is the top 3 , and the seniority is based on ur rank in the class thru all the exam mark..so i was anxious! because of this also,i think many ppl wanna be the top 3 too cos, whoever is in top 3 rank, they have no restriction to go for layover & nightstop flt. once they start flying on the first day,immediately they can go for nightstop & layover..awesome right ??? which mean gonna have more allowance n chances to see the world !! as for those who didnt make it to the top 3, they gonna have turn around flight for 1 year.after 1 year then they can have nightstop & layover..now u shud knw how i actually feel right ??

P'dao kanyanee ( a senior thai crew ) that day she was in Miss Iman office,she did take a glance on our result .... so she told me that , Kate got 1st , I got 2nd and Vicky got 3rd and Natalie got 4th place. at first , i was so excited n accept the fact tat i got 2nd.cos u knw, i failed one of the exam and it is fair ma...since kate din failed any of her exams,and she got good mark for all the exam. Everyone in the class , assume tat Kate is gonna get the 1st. and Vicky gonna get 2nd. and me ? i think im not gonna make it to top 3 cos i FAILED ma....

i felt tat is a big miracle for me.... i really din expect. cos i really tot kate gonna get 1st. when they announce the the result tat time, i can see tat everyone faces is so damn tension. when they announce the 1st placing in class that time, my mind appears the name "kate" and i can hear some of my batchmate mention about kate names. *heart pumping*

then out in a sudden, they called my name !! i was like in shocked n blurred for a while.. i was like in "whoa" !! what happen ???

i can also see tat, all my batchmate quite shocked.cos i FAILED ma .... n kate turn out to be in 2nd , vicky 3rd....as for the 4th placing goes to eva instead if natalie. all unexpected !!

im so happy na...i dunno how to describe my feeling.but i really felt i have been blessed. thank you lord.

alright stop here,my eyes i felt so tired. even my sentences + my spelling here, is not even up to standard ...

so update some other times la ya ~~

Jordan

yupe !! i got my uniform already ...

how do i look in my new uniform ? good ? bad ? or what ?

anyway , when i went for uniform fitting measurement that time,i feel so weird when i looked at the mirror.Maybe becos of my previous uniform color is Green & we are usiing pants instead of skirt.and we are not using any jacket like this one ! so i felt so diff...

then when our uniform is ready,all of us been ask to try it out again,cos they scare it might be too tight.and some of my batchmate,they actually gained weight.So , the tailor have to alter it again ! hahaha...

as for me,when i try it on, looked at the mirror , something look so diff on my shoulder part ! there is a shoulder padding on the jacket.i don like tat padding.it makes me look so tough.oh well , after a while...try it on again in the house..snap few picha..hahaha...then starting to get use to the LOOK ! ahahha...and the weird feeling gone in the air ! hahahaha

not to forget, we have 3 trolleys bag...(small,medium,&extra big), winter coat , boots , gloves , court shoes , inflight shoes , cardigan...and etc...

Winter : is coming dy...1st NOV - March , is the winter season.so they have company policy is, winter attire which is the boots,coat & gloves must be wear when go to work. =) gonna be extra heavy !

i feel so excited now ! as we are goin to graduate on the 1st of november. Time flies so fast ! and guess what ? im coming back to malaysia.........RJ is sending all of back to malaysia for 5 days ! to grab watever we need cos after this, i think we are not allowed to go home for 6 months.really must fully utilise these 5 days !!

BUT !! they only send us until KUL, so i still have to buy my own ticket back to BKI. how sad is tat ? our discounted ticket is not activated yet cus we are still under probation...hmmm.....

NVM..as long as i can go back home to see all my loves one back there.is worth it !!! i cant wait !! am so counting the days back to the land below the wind !!

UPDATE : been staying out of the hotel for 3 weeks dy...yet im still alive..hahaha..i learned to cook over here...improving slowly .. hahaha... i might not be a good cooker, but im good in preparing & cutting all the needed ingredient ! hahaha...but now i go one step further. which is doing the chef job...holding the pan n act like a pro chef ! hhahahaha..so far, i haven try to cooked rice.tat is the only thing im not confident in . cos they don have the rice cooker. and im not interested to cooked the rice manually.i just cant do it ! i don even wanna try it tho.i might burn the whole thing up ! hahahaha...

Today is my OFF day..apparently did nthg today.online one whole day. Skype with bro , mum & dad in the morning.and they are having their dinner time. when i ask gor gor to on his cam, immediately he bring the lappy to the dining table.they are having their dinner.bad gor gor , ask me do i miss home cooked food,and he said lets eat together. then daddy say , don be shy, grab watever u wanna eat....he even put his spoon near to the cam for me...

immediately i CRIED !! missing those lovely nice food so badly...then mum scold daddy n gor gor by asking them to stop it , don make me cry again ! i can see tat mummy heartache to see me cry...i just dunno why when i see them eating, it really makes me wanna be there with them having dinner together with those yummylicious healthy food ! nt to worry...am heading back home soon !!! yay !!

oh yea..i did told mum & dad what i wanna eat when i got home. nov 2 is gor gor bday & nov 8 is lil bro bday. so daddy said wait i come back then we gonna celebrate together !! which is :

1. gor gor bday
2. lil bro bday
3. and my homecoming (welcome home celebration)

3 IN 1 ..... hahahaa.....becos of me, all have to delayed. & guess wat ? gor gor was so surprise tat daddy say their bday celebration need to be postponed,and he was kinda shocked at first ! then daddy said to him "you don have a choice" hahahahaha..

weeee~~~~ LOVE DADDY.....LOVE MUMMY.....LOVE GOR GOR......& LOVE LIL BRO......

A new Environment

haven update anything since the day i arrive in amman ! sorry about that,blame all goes to the internet connection here. IT WAS DAMN LAOSY , & SLOW.... cant even connect somtimes.

been here for like more than a week now..slowly trying my very best to fit myself in this dessert place...I knw god will help me go thru this.

it is quite hard for me for from the beginning..you knw , esp none taking care of you ...

i was sick from the day i arrive here. i have sore throat , fever , flu & cough ! and it is my medical week summore..i was so afraid that it wil effected my medical report.

at last , i figure it out the cause that made me so sick !

1. Kebab ( i think u guys knw what is tat right ? , its some beef/lamb wrap in a pita..)
2. no vegetables
3. lack of water
4. lack of love *haha*

well,ppl over here eat meats alot !! as for the beef n lamb is damn cheap here..50pes for like 2 big kebab. not to forget , arab ppl loves BREAD too !! everyday eat bread..and bread n bread !!  plus their vege here is only , cucumber ,carrots & corn...

all those greeny beautiful "kangkung, sawi , etc...." is not existed in this country !! how sad is tat right ???

and as i was telling u guys about the coughing So i did....and i din realise that after boiling the water , there is a very thin layer of oil plus some kind of white white things floating on it...

so i drank the tea....and my roommate mom , drank the water too... and the result is ...both of us is coughing n u can feel like ur having asthma! how bad is tat ?

saudi arabia , is a country where water is very limited.to treat urself better , n living healthy...i bought mineral water always from carefour ! quite exp u knw ... its is like 2dinar plus plus for 6 big bottle. equal to RM8-9 ..

the standard of living here is so high !! i can die for it !! oh yes...before i forget...there is no fish here too !! they say its becos their sea is the salty one ! so no FISH !

i found a sushi shop here,and i ate sashimi !! but only 3 pieces...and it cost me 4.990 dinar...which is RM20++ for 3 lil pieces of salmon sashimi...=(

i can be so broke.....!

so lets talk about my classes n medical... there is 21 malaysian gal , 3 thai  gal ..so total up, there is 24 of us !
and that day,during our signing contract day, sadly, one of our gal,the malaysian,failed her medical check up, in result,she got send back to KUL on the same day at 2.30am flt... so sad...

to cut it short , my roommate , she nearly failed her medical too. due to her eyes.. the doctor said their something inside her eyes, and the doctor send her to do eye test again..with the laser thinggy go left n right like scanning a paper ... but this time,she have to pay by herself....pity.....

anyway, the result for her eye test is certified normal, maybe that day when they check her,her eyeliner or maybe mascara fell into the eyes i think...luckily its normal...or else , she too will be send back to KUL..

Class has started ! BORING !! and normally our class start at 8.30am - 3pm ! good huh ? but always the bus pick up is 7.15am... the airport is so damn far !!

okay..stopping here , more to come..the line is bad..need to save this..

Menstrual Pain Day

Every month i have to go thru this...the most suffering day ever ! it is really discomfort,and you cant do anything about it. well, actually there's still something you can do to prevent the pain. take pain killer medicine then.

when i was in LHR that time, aunt pat , did introduce me this pain killer medicine called "nurofen" . i like it so much , use to took that for my past 2 month menses time. i ate two tablet of it,n the pain just gone like that. u feel nthg at all.but the bad effect is, it is going to stop ur menses.not totally stop,but u can feel it urself .not as normal like usual.

So , for this month menses,which is like happening now,am not taking any of this pain killer tablet.let me become an ordinary girl. But depends on how pain the pain goes ! if its too pain and i cant take it..i'll take the tablet. the pain is like so awful ..... it can make me get crazy easily. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!